Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh-Duhhhhh.

“And I would walk five hundred miles and I would walk five hundred more, just to be the man who walked a thousand miles just to fall down at your door…”




You want me to go on. I know it, and I know why. It’s not because it’s a good song- no, if anything, it’s the worst song ever written. It’s catchy, and peppy, and the absolute worst thing to ever happen to music, anywhere.


You want me to go on because THAT’S ALL YOU KNOW. Those are the only lyrics you can remember. Those are the only lyrics, you’re convinced, that even exist.


I’ve had the Proclaimers replaying that damn song on YouTube for half an hour. And still. Those are the only lyrics my brain is containing. And I know what you’re thinking. You’re questioning my sanity, murmuring: “Emily, why? Why in God’s name do you keep listening to it? Why? Have you no sense of self preservation, woman!?” And I’ll answer you: apparently not.


It’s like when you get into the lunch line at school, and you know, you know, more than you’ve ever known anything before, that those French Fries are going to kill you. They’re gross- quite possibly rancid- and they will not taste good.


But you buy them anyway. Because, they’re French Fries; you can’t screw up French fries too badly, can you? Surely, even High School Cafeteria Cooks can’t mess up one batch of French Fries too badly, can they? Surely, surely, they can’t make them taste the way you’re imagining them…


Yes. They can. But you buy them anyway. And you eat that second fry, because you bought it, and for damn’s sake, it was three dollars. So you eat a third. All the while, you’re complaining to your friends, laughing: “Guys, these are seriously disgusting!” and they keep saying: “Why are you eating them, then?” and you don’t have an answer, and to be perfectly honest, neither do I.


I just keep listening. I’m miserable: I’m humming miserably, typing miserably, breathing miserably. When a song can make you BREATHE miserably, there’s a serious problem.


And I’m not denying I have one- it’s become quite clear to me that The Proclaimers have invaded my safe haven, my YouTube channel, my mind, and poisoned it with the continual “duh-duh-duh duh, duh-duh-duh duh, duh-duh-duh duh, duh-duh-duh” so many times that I’m curled in a miserable ball, yelling: “DUH- DUH- DUH- DUH- DUH FIVE HUNDRED MILES DUH DUH DUH DUH DOOR STEPS DUH DUH DUH!”.


This blog post really has no meaning: it’s just me, complaining about that frigging song. I think I’ll stop here before I leave the ‘adorably charming’ and enter the ‘downright creepy’ level.


I hope you can get this out of your head now.